My Heart Breaks

Last week as I was sitting at work and a random thought went through my head to check my hotmail account. I only ever check it a few times a year and the only person who emails me there is Nicole, she is my grandson Sam's mommy. You see a little over 4 years ago my daughter was pregnant and her boyfriend at the time was not supportive and she felt like she could give her son so much more by placing him with a family that couldn't have a baby/child. She found an adoption agency and started the search for the perfect family. She really wanted a Non-Mormon couple with no kids (having grown up around some very hypocritical Mormons that was one of her main request). The search was on, the agency brought over some bio's of some very wonderful families, my daughter had already read through them by the time I got home from work, but didn't make a final decision because she wanted me to read them and to get my opinion. Keep in mind, I wasn't too keen on the idea of adoption in the first place, but my daughter insisted I understand her decision. As I read through these biography's of these people who wanted a child in their lives I realized that I always took it for granted that I was able to give birth and I wasn't looking at it from the adoptive parents perspective, nor did I ever think of adoption as a selfless act by the birth mother until I had to live it. Back to the story!
I read through 4 profiles, but none touched me in the way this family did. I sat there crying and reading and when I was done I looked at my daughter and handed her the profile that made me cry and I said "This is it...this is your babies Mommy and Daddy, but how do you feel about it because they already have a daughter that is almost 4 years old"?, she hugged me and said that is the one I picked too Mom, and I am alright with my child having an older sister. So for the next couple of months my daughter planned to meet this family and spent time talking on the phone with them, getting to know them. Finally the day came when they flew to Utah to meet us and my daughter was going to be induced. I have to say that this was my first adoption experience and it was the greatest experience EVER.
Jeff & Nicole were amazing. It was a very happy time for all. I know Tiffany felt GREAT about her decision, because I know that Jeff & Nicole were the type of people and had the kind of family she would have picked for her parents growing up if she would of gotten a choice. She kept telling me, this isn't my baby, this is Nicole's baby, God wanted me to have it for her.
Every year on Sam's birthday in January I send an email to Nicole and every year she writes me back and sends me pictures. Last week while checking my Hotmail a random thought got inside my head and I though I wonder if Nicole has a blog or anything, I would love to know how they are doing since I hadn't heard back from the email I sent her on February 16th. So I got on Google and searched her by name and when the search results came back my heart began to race, it brought back several obituary results, no that couldn't be. So I opened up one of the results and it said that she left behind her husband Jeff, her daughter Gabrelle age 8 and her son Sam age 4. OMG was this really true? NO! My eyes filled with tears, I had to call Tiffany right away, she took the news very hard. Although we haven't seen Nicole in 4 years, the loss is great to our entire family. This is my grandson's Mommy, my heart breaks for the entire family although I can't tell them that though. Nicole was my only link to Sam and their family and now she is gone :'(

A Family Bound by Love

Jeff, Gabby, Nicole, Tiffany holding Sam for the last time and Josh